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Choosing a Deity for Family life

Nitai Gaur deities sita's lords raised arms chanting and dancing deities beautifully dressed and decorated with flowers and wigs

Firstly you may already have a preference, for metal, marble, wood or resin.

I would like to acknowledge first off that for the point of clarity I will be calling them metal/wood/etc deities but the material element never defines the Lord! Please in general practice do not refer to the deity as a “metal Krishna” etc, as this is both not respectful nor accurate. As soon as the Lord accepts your worship in the form then that form immediately becomes transcendental.

This article is to help you select the most practical form for worship in your particular household situation, and will draw on my experience in painting, caring for and worshiping a variety of deities.

  • Who will be caring for the Lord?
  • Will you be transporting the Lord frequently?
  • Is size a consideration?
  • Are you/your family members more drawn to certain materials?

Before you start, ask yourself this:

Do you have small children?

Are you planning to have small children assist with caring for the deity?

home deity worship child cares for bathing of krishna deity

In our home, my daughter received Krishna & Balaram at age 4, and we chose metal Krishna and Balaram forms, two beautiful cowherd boys, with practical selection of metal so that they could withstand if they were accidentally knocked or tipped over, and able to be bathed and dressed as desired.

The practicalities of having deity worship with children should be considered – will your children jostle and fight over who gets to assist, and potentially knock the deity, or are they very well trained and respectful, or older?

In most instances I would suggest that families who want to involve children in deity worship should select forms of a mixed metal substance. Such forms are not easily damaged, moved, jostled etc, and while we train our kids to be respectful, unfortunately in enthusiasm or an excess of excitement little accidents can occur.

If you don’t want your heart to leap into your throat everytime your child or children approach the deity I heartily recommend you select a metal form.

Easy to buy ready to wear deity jewellery
Gaur Nitai with beautiful simple pearls – bought as a simple strand and tied. no DIY required.

With great joy we have the delight of serving Nitai Gaur deities whose forms are mixed metal, with lovely large solid bases, and a size of 21″ (4 inches of which is their large circular base). Our deities have been cared for lovingly by children since baby age, and have never once been knocked or fallen over or sustained any other sort of indignity which could potentially occur with smaller deities or less stable deities.

nitai gaur deities in two sizes, small gaura nitai large nitai gaur deities both beautiful
You can see my 21″ deities and mums 7″ deities

My dear mother has charmingly delicate and petite metal deities of Gaur Nitai, and while they are robustly metal in form, they are more precarious and difficult to take care of, because of their smaller size and less stability. Her deities are approx 7 inches tall and so adorable!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BjqTzV9g5RZ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Growing up with her beautiful Lords – their small size and bases meant that she was quite protective, and until we were over 10, we were assistants at the dressing of the Lords only, allowed to put on a necklace here or there, or pour their bath water, but in dressing they are more vulnerable to tipping.

It worked in our family – instead of dressing the Lords, we all got the chance to offer arotik & be the pujari, or to read the story and sometimes lead some kirtan.

As a side note – it’s easier to make clothes for larger forms!

Is Size a consideration?

There are advantages and drawbacks to small and large forms, and you must weigh each one careful and consider what best works for your situation.

When you are weighing the advantages vs the disadvantages you may consider the following:

SMALL Forms

  • more transportable, lightweight for the weak
  • harder to see from a distance or close when your eyes get bad!
  • less fabric to dress, but much more fiddly to sew for
  • smaller deities = smaller altar

Large forms

  • stable not easy to knock over
  • heavier to transport, or lift
  • easy to feast your old eyes on and see from distances
  • costlier to dress in fabric and braid and trims
  • easier to sew for
  • larger deities = larger altar

You can find small and delicate metal moorti of both Nitai Gaur, Krishna, with varying degrees of refinement

Do you intend to travel with your deity or deities?

This is particularly important in the selection of your murti form.

Whether you have Nitai Gaura deities, Krishna deity, Radha Krishna deity or a deity of some other form of the lord, I encourage you to consider whether you will attempt to bring your deity with you if travelling.

There are many different sized forms available, and if you are travelling then I would encourage you still, that metal is very durable, although heavier. Wood could get caught up in customs! Plaster or resin is more fragile, and marble is the most fragile!

I currently have in my care a particularly fine pair of metal Radha and Krishna murtis (at approximately 6 inches tall) who would be extremely easy to carry travelling *side note!

Travel with Lords in hand luggage.

You would not want to lose them should any luggage go astray!

https://www.instagram.com/p/B1k_vpkAwqQ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Travelling with Krishna

In preaching work, this beautiful dark Syamasundar Krishna is always travelling. He has a lovely travelling case! It is a converted make up box. It’s gold, which is fitting! We lined it beautifully with fabric and it contains some essential outfits and accessories, and He travels first class by air 🙂

Ashadhatu weight can be an advantage – making the statues very stable.

You have the option to select ashadhatu forms which are a mix of 7 or more metals, including lead and traditionally these deities are much heavier than the other forms of metal based statue available.

Do you need Ashadhatu deities? NO! Gosh no. While it is very nice to have them, as they are created carefully and lovingly – it is unnecessary. The Lord can accept whatever deity form He desires. I would liken it to offering Him ceramic or brass bowls to eat from… or ruby studded. There is no problem, but it is not a requirement. Offer with love and He will accept with great love and affection.

Some years ago, a sweet friend of mine allowed me to help her with selecting and ordering (Ashatdhatu) Gaura Nitai statues for her home worship. She also received Krishna/Balaram forms. Having two rambunctious young boys (toddlers at the time), she wisely chose to have metal forms of the Lord and is now comfortably able to allow her enthusiastic helpers to assist with caring for their Lordships.

Marble statues are fragile first

Conversely it has been to my dismay that friends with marble forms have had incidents where simply a table has been bumped, and the statue has fallen over and broken. Oh the heartache! With the best intentions in the world, this can happen.

https://www.instagram.com/tv/B2dL3EFATIy/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

My own sister had a first Marble form of Krishna ready to install and worship, and in the very first week of receiving the statue, prior to installation, the form was standing on a table which was bumped, and the form fell and broke!! Only imagine!

She persevered, and ordered another Krishna statue carved which is now sacrosanct and NO ONE but her is allowed to come near Him, touch Him or handle Him.

I have Him visiting our home right now! (ok she made an exception for me) but I cannot allow my daughter to assist even with placing His flute because my heart trembles everytime anyone else approaches. I nearly died of a heart attack last night when my daughter told me she was moving the altar and rearranging the living room (gasp!) That was promptly stopped!

If you are interested in seeing him, here’s a sneak peek at His charmingness as He graces our home…

Radha’s Krishna visits Sita’s home!

For guidance on how to care for Krishna deities once you have invited Him to your home I would like to suggest you view this excellent series of videos from lovely qualified Vaishnava devotee of Krishna who has much more spiritual understanding and authority than myself.

If there are any mistakes or inconsistencies or incorrect conclusions in my blog post, I humbly request that you overlook them, and be assured that my intention in writing this article is only to offer helpful advice in the practicalities of selecting a form to worship in your home.

From my heart,

Sita dasi

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Deity Worship – caring for Krishna

Nitai Gaur deities sita's lords raised arms chanting and dancing deities beautifully dressed and decorated with flowers and wigs

Looking after the Lord is pretty sublime. What nicer activity is there than caring for Krishna?

In this day and age there are no hard and fast rules that you need to follow to look after deities of Nitai Gaura or Krishna.

While the nectar of devotion does outline offenses against deities because we have become so far from able to observe all the specific ins and outs it is better for home deity worship to instead understand very practical considerations.

The rules and regulations if you look at them objectively are all there to guide us into nicely caring for the deities, as we would a guest whom was most valued.

If you keep that in mind, then it is very simple to provide the same intention of worship for Krishna and Gaura Nitai. Then even if we are not perfectly correct we are still sincerely trying to be pleasing by establishing a relationship of love.

A lot of times my friends ask in desperation how to look after deities! Especially now, when I do a lot of instagram posts about deity clothes, deity painting, and so on. By no means am I an authority, so all I can share is what I learnt from my dear mother in growing up in how she cared for her deities and so I am happy to offer at least that example, as well as my own understanding on the WHY, that might help inform your decisions when you are not exactly sure what is the pleasing choice.

The most important I would suggest is keeping your practice regular, so that the Lord knows when he is going to eat, bathe, dress, sleep.

You do not have to institute a temple like regime at home, but you should daily visit Krsna and offer Him something, or what is the point of inviting Him to inhabit this archa vigraha form and accept your worship?

The wonderful reason that we are trained in deity worship and adopt it is because it gives us the opportunity to develop a very real loving and caring relationship with the Lord. Whether it is Nitai Gaura or Gopal Krishna the intention is the same. Learn to serve with love*.

There are no hard and fast rules – but you may, depending on the type of deity you have, wish to offer the Lord baths, fresh clothes, & a bed to rest in, along with food, flowers, water or arotik.

To give a practical example, this is my regime of caring for my Nitai Gaura, and my role model is my mother, who has very wonderfully cared for her beloved Gaura Nitai for the past decades. I remember their installation when I was a child as the most incredible event! It was amazing to me and I still vividly remember the sounds, textures, sights – Beautiful deities standing in glowing red translucent bowls being poured over with ghee, rosewater, and the one which really astonished me was yoghurt… more later on what you can do to install your deities.

My deity worship practices:

I bathe before I visit my lords, and ring a bell to alert them that I am coming to see them. I open the altar doors pay my respects and request that they please arise and take their bath.

With prepared warm water in a jug scented with drop of rosewater, I ask them to step into their big bath, “Please step into your bath now my dear Lord Chaitanya”,  and undress them. Pouring the water nicely over the body of the Lord I then take a nice cloth and dry them, “Please step out of your bath now my dear Lord”, before dressing them again for the day.

Once dressed I used to show them their own beautiful reflection in a mirror but it broke and I haven’t replaced it yet…

Then we offer food and have a kirtan with arotik & gurupuja.

I leave lights on for them in the evening and offer them dinner with more kirtan, and then before I go to sleep I invite them to take their rest (usually I say, “please take your rest now my dear Lord Chaitanya/ Nityananda) lay them down (physically placing them in beds) after removing their ornaments and dressed only in the dhoti from the day, cover them with their blankets and lights off.

My mother also reads them a passage from scripture for their pleasure once her Lords are resting and before the lights go out. Such a nice practice!

It’s nicer to have specific pajamas! And dress them in that… I used to completely undress them to put them to bed (it’s very hot here in Australia, and they use only a sheet in summer and a sheet and light blanket in winter) but then I was concerned that they would become cold while waiting for their bath (They stand up out of bed first and I put the beds away to allow room for the bath).

I do not have a specific time which I wake them up or put them to rest or offer dinner, it flows with our family life, but usually I wake them up at 6am and then in bed between 9-11pm. The breakfast offering is before 8am because after that we are getting ready for school. Sometimes I will simply offer fruit, sometimes make it special.

Now it doesn’t have to be this full on, or it could be more so! Some people change their deities garments monthly, or only on appearance days, or every weekend. Some people are far more elaborate than I am! They might be very practiced at having exact times to attend the deities, but in our family we do what we can, and what we can do is care for Krsna like another of the family members, so we do our best and pray that it will be enough.

Marble deities are very fragile, and usually one will not move them about on the altar. Instead of actually laying them down to rest, one can prepare a bed for them, and invite them to take their rest upon the bed. (not physically placing them into the bed).

The most important aspect of worshiping deities of Krishna and Nitai Gaur is to remember that what they appreciate the most, what we can offer them, is the Holy Name. Having an altar there and plonking food down and paying obeisances and moving away… it’s good that you are offering your food but what Krsna enjoys is hearing His names! So better to streamline your deity care, and offer more kirtan with love.

This is my humble attempt to share my practice with you, and offer some practical advice on daily application of deity worship. Please remember it is a relationship between you and Krishna – offer with love and don’t stress out.

Things that we can do to be considerate:

Wash our body before visiting the lord.

Wash our hands before touching the lord or His paraphernalia (his arotik tray, clothes, food, etc)

Be attentive to the Lord while the altar is open or uncovered (don’t conduct other conversations, ignore him, subject the deity to anything unpleasant like nasty noise(Screaming kids!) or fighting.. etc Sometimes it is necessary to pause and gently guide your children before the Lord, don’t freak out it happens when you are raising kids, all the more reason to give your guidance in the most appropriate way with the well-being of your kids in mind).

Offer the lord only vegetarian food (duh, sorry, I just put it in because you know… just in case).

When offering the Lord water to bathe in – give Him fresh clean water that you haven’t put your hands in – the water should be nice and fresh. I get the tap water to the right temperature on my wrist before filling a jug.

Give the Lord a nice sitting place (put some effort into decorating the room of the Lord – this one is fun! You will do this naturally anyway)

Give the Lord a nice resting place (that bed for night time?)

Offer the Lord various refreshments thoughtfully

Offer kirtan for His pleasure..offer Him His own Holy Names with love!

*Don’t worry-  Krishna will help guide you from within your heart, and externally so you may refine your deity worship and offerings… sometimes (ok often) when I am preparing a little offering to my Lord I get the inspiration.. oh it would be nicer if you also offered…

We can get inspired by visiting other nice devotees and see what they do to worship their Lordships too! I know there is just SO MUCH MORE that can be done, but if like me you are in family raising stage of life you probably need to keep things simple, or just need some inspiration to get started.

I hope that my humble thoughts on this will not offend the more learned, and if I am mistaken then please feel free to correct me.

Love,

Sita